All Is Grace

i follow this great blog that always makes me think…her name is Melissa…you should check her out.

…she made me think today. twice. posting first about a Mama she saw in the mall, wisely parenting a determined toddler…and then about secrets she knows as a mother. probably secrets she wished she’d known when she started this journey. mostly, i don’t think i know secrets. mostly i think i’ve just stumbled through and figured out stuff that…probably lots of people already know, but i didn’t. i’ve been wandering around doing some cleaning that desperately needed to be done before today and that i won’t want to do tomorrow (wait, i don’t really want to do it today either. how does that work?), and started coming up with some of that stuff. because some day, i want my kids to know the stuff i had to figure out the hard way (and yes, i know i said stuff 3 times in one sentence. this is not a grammatically wonderful post. be warned.).

1. teenagers need as much sleep as toddlers.

2. teenagers vehemently disagree with #1.

3. the children actually are waiting for you to “turn blue in the face” repeating yourself. they think that would be awesome to watch.

4. hamsters can not be resuscitated if they have not had food or water for a week. especially tiny Chinese dwarfs.

5. buy goldfish. they are easier to dispose of than hamsters (and they cost a quarter. not $12.).

6. children don’t care if you don’t want the laundry room to be their second closet. they figure they get their exercise walking to the basement each morning. and afternoon. and evening.

7. nothing is sacred. actually, nothing sacred to you is sacred to them. their blanket and the stuffed animal they brought home from the hospital, however, are. remember this fact.

8. it is more effective to teach a preteen boy when farting and burping and joking about farting and burping are acceptable (and to laugh with him when he does it during those times) than it is to attempt to teach him that those things are never acceptable.

9. some kids just don’t care about showering. they should do it anyway. often.

10. your kid will never warn you if you’re walking into a store with your makeup smudged halfway down your face. they didn’t notice.

11. #10 becomes untrue when they are teenagers and they are walking into the store with you. then they will also make sure you know that your hair is windblown and your outfit doesn’t match. they will choose to stay in the car.

12. when asking the question, “doesn’t anybody else know how to (do some random household chore)?” be prepared for the answer: no. they really don’t. if you usually do it, they seriously don’t know how.

13. #12 is an indicator that you need to change the chore chart.

14. you will never know where your phone charger is. accept it.

15. or your kindle.

16. or sometimes the dog.

17. you really do sound just like your mom. she thinks it’s hilarious. and if she hasn’t told you…she’s just being kind.

18. the correct answer to “mom, does my hair look ok?” is “please go look in the mirror.” your answer doesn’t actually count.

19. buy expensive sports bras. and good-fitting underwear. and cheap socks. and this goes for you too.

20. if the question is “do you really need a bednight snack?” the answer is always “yes.”

21. her hair will grow out. let her get it cut.

22. you never outgrow Disney movies.

23. their music might actually be pretty good. you should check it out.

24. it might also suck. you are in charge of the car stereo. until they can drive, car time is music appreciation time.

25. hide your favorite tweezers. and nail polish remover. have extras of each on hand.

26. you should still have baby wipes and bandaids in the car when they’re teenagers.

27. jeans are not dirty until they actually have dirt on them. or stand by themselves. smelling good is optional.

28. if it says “line dry,” do it. even better, don’t let them buy it.

29. no sleep occurs at a sleepover. give them guidelines of the things they can do while YOU try to sleep. you will need your sleep to deal with them on Saturday.

30. going through the drive thru for a hot fudge sundae in your pajamas is the perfect way to end a crummy day. also, ice cream is a perfectly acceptable dinner.

31. odd numbers are crazy fun. weirdness is important. the weirder you’re willing to be with your children without intentionally embarrassing them (which means…you really need to know them well), the better.