so, my most recent quandary?
what do i do with a child who has decided she wants nothing to do with God?
…the God who allowed her father to choose crime and betrayal…over a relationship with her.
…the God who allowed a life of relative luxury to slip through her fingers when that same father made marriage-altering choices even before we knew about the crime and betrayal.
…the God who changed her body to be woman-like when she would have been just as happy with boyish hips and zero curves, no blemishes and straight hair. more happy, even.
…the God who offers grace and love and mercy when she can only look at her world and everything in it with judgment and criticism and disdain.
i can relate to her questions. i can. i asked them too. but i asked them when i was 21. i asked them when i fell in love with a man who had never believed in God. had never considered him. i asked them because he raised the questions i had never heard…and i had to find the answers. i had to find the answers that were MY answers, not my parents answers. not my college professors’ answers. not my youth pastor’s answers or my choir director’s answers or my best friend’s answers. i respect the need to find the answers. but…i was so grateful for the foundation all of those people had helped me establish. they were my jumping-off point…my place to land. and the verses i had memorized and the lessons i had heard over and over and over and over and over again gave me a place to remember and turn to.
and i don’t know that she has that.
she knows the Bible stories. she knows the verses i have read. she knows the place where Christianity falls in history and she knows the God of the Bible. she knows the God to whom i pray and she watches me trust him and serve him and i wonder…
…does she know this God?
All Is Grace 
#1 by Peggy on March 6, 2014 - 8:48 am
An honest person is far closer to finding God than someone pretending. A couple of weeks ago Sally Clarkson had this post on I Take Joy:
http://www.itakejoy.com/when-your-children-wrestle-with-god-hallelujah-ill-still-sing/
It got me thinking, could I handle it the same. I do not know. My heart aches for you and your daughter as you walk this valley. Your daughter has great questions. She is up there with some top thinkers. May she choose to seek the truth and I am praying that you will have wisdom and courage to let God woo her. Ravi Zacharias and C.S. Lewis are some great resources. Wrinkle in Time series by L’engle is so good and allows on to wrestle with teh characters.
Peace my friend.
#2 by malindar on March 6, 2014 - 8:56 am
thanks for your words, Peggy. i am following your link as soon as i finish this. i love the idea of God wooing her…i think He will.
#3 by Michelle on March 6, 2014 - 8:50 am
I wonder the same thing about my teenager. He’s never verbally questioned it, but I don’t know if God is real to him yet. Praying for all our kiddos…..
#4 by Roman Hokie on March 8, 2014 - 7:52 am
I’m thinking something similar. Realistically, you don’t really want your cherub to have your faith as much as you want her to find her own, what it means to walk with Christ. It’s one thing to go to Sunday School and hear the stories (even see them, with flannel graph, perhaps) of the nice, clean, faith. But much of the heroes of the faith didn’t just follow in their father’s footsteps. They cried, hid, disobeyed. In fact, they were quite the “hot mess” of antiquity. And nobody’s journey was the same.
You don’t offer your children a simple and clean view of God. That would be disingenuous of you to do so. And you and they have been through the wringer. But what you offer is a safe place to ask the questions and for them to experience life. And, no. You don’t need to know all the answers. The only one you need to know is, “I don’t know. Do you want me to walk with you to find out?”
BTW, one time, He healed a blind man with mud. Because, evidently messy makes sense sometimes.
#5 by malindar on March 8, 2014 - 8:02 am
it’s a darn good thing, friend. a DARN good thing.
and realistically, i know it all makes sense to him anyway…because he can see the end and i can’t. and i know you’re right. this is *her* journey and i will hold her hand when she wants me to hold it (and stay hidden in the shadows watching when she doesn’t).
thank you, friend.
#6 by Roman Hokie on March 8, 2014 - 8:10 am
I would encourage you to not stay hidden in the shadows. If you’re hiding, she can’t see you cheering her on. 🙂
#7 by malindar on March 8, 2014 - 8:16 am
oh, no worries. she’ll know i’m there. she always does. she usually comes and gets me…and that’s what i’ll be hoping for.
#8 by Janelle on March 8, 2014 - 9:26 am
I remember the day my oldest asked if he could stay home from church one Sunday morning. Struck fear in my heart. I’d let go in lots of ways, but this was requiring me to let go of my control of his faith. Which, of course, I never had control of in the first place. These are the hardest mom things to deal with, I think. Keep telling her you are praying for her.
#9 by malindar on March 8, 2014 - 9:42 am
one of those glad-I’m-not-the-only-Mom-battling-this moments. thank you, Janelle. i definitely will.