All Is Grace

i have a question for you: when someone presents information to someone you love that flies in the face of what you believe and makes your heart race…what do YOU do??

and just for kicks, what do you do when, after deciding to move on and let it go because it’s not worth your stress, someone else you love comes to you as though this questionable statement was fact (just because that particular person said it…), repeats it with a tiny question mark in his voice…like he’s not quite sure…but then later repeats it, over and over to the person to which it was initially presented (and anyone else who hears)…

what do YOU do???

so far, I have:

1) ignored it.
a) this stuff makes me grouchy
b) i’m already grouchy
c) the last thing i need is more grouchiness, or worse yet, an argument.
2) thought deeply about it. while crocheting.
a) i can’t go more than one full day of forcing myself not to think deeply.
b) this made me even more grouchy. (ugh.)
3) called in reinforcements.
a) ahem. my dad (this is theology. the man knows theology. he can talk me off the ledge most of the time.)
b) my friend. (because i know he’ll agree with me.) (no, really.) (i’m not kidding.)
4) fumed.
a) this actually accompanied 1) and 2)
b) and maybe even 3).

here’s the thing: i get that we all have a right to believe the things we believe. i also understand that we have the right to say the things we believe because we have freedom of speech in this country. and i truly believe that God sometimes gives a person “a word” that must be spoken in crisis or in conflict because He clearly tells the speaking person to speak it. but sometimes…i think a situation may warrant silence. a hug and a nod, and “i’m so sorry you are going through this. i will do whatever i can.” and sometimes, that means keeping your mouth shut. especially if what you’re about to say could hurt or offend. this applies to lots of things: 1) the death of a loved one. 2) a parenting crisis. 3) a crappy decision with dire consequences. 4) something you know nothing about. 5) you get my point, right? and the thing is, later on, the words may actually be necessary. helpful, even. but not smack in the middle of whatever crap is going on. (and just because what you have to say is TRUE does not mean it should be said either.)(and if it’s not necessarily true, or is true to you but potentially questionable to someone else…ditto)

i have been guilty of this so many times, friends. i have gotten myself into a situation where i probably trampled someone’s heart or just plain old put my foot in my mouth in a situation where silence was appropriate. i try to solve problems. i want to nurture and care for and love and mother. i’m learning. but…i fail. the worst failures…probably times when i’ve preached. when preaching wasn’t necessary. love was. silence was. and maybe silence would have expressed the love.

preaching didn’t.

and again…the words…they may come to good use later. but in the heat of the moment…when i’m not even sure of their usefulness or maybe even their theological soundness in the situation…oh my gosh, keep your mouth shut, Mindy!

i am sure this person meant well. and maybe i’m just a complete heathen and because i don’t understand the depths of God’s wisdom imparted through this person’s words, i can’t understand their effectiveness–i fully admit I don’t understand the way God operates in every instance, and that doesn’t mean He wasn’t working through what i don’t understand. but it really makes me think–especially today–about the words i may otherwise speak in haste.

“Watch the way you talk. Let nothing foul or dirty come out of your mouth. Say only what helps, each word a gift.”  Ephesians 4:29 (The Message)