All Is Grace

In April, I made a decision. I joined eHarmony and Match.com on the same day.

I know. Crazy.

But there it is.

You see, I’m a 38-year-old mother of three children who walk shoulder to shoulder with me everywhere I go. I drive a mini van. I go to the grocery store, church, the library, and kid sporting events and lessons. I live in a very small town. Want to know what the chances are that I’m going to meet Mr. Right in this town, at any of those places?

Can you say “slim to none?”

Oh, don’t get me wrong, I believe that God can put anyone in my path. That if I’m meant to find Mr. Right at Wegmans, he is not going to be intimidated by those beautiful children or the fact that I’m bolting through the store with a harried expression because I’m late to worship rehearsal or have a cake sitting on my counter at home waiting for strawberry filling…and I forgot the strawberries. I believe God can work that way. I sort of met one person that way.  At church. But…no. Not meant to be. And that’s ok.

In the midst of this dating process, I have had to explain to my children (who watched me cry and fall apart a little bit at one point) that finding the right man doesn’t just mean dating one man. It means dating. More than one person. There will be a match eventually, but dating means…taking that chance. More than once. In the end, though I never planned for my children to have to watch this process, I have been mindful that this is something that I’m actually modeling for them. Especially for the girls. Some day, I hope this is something they can look back on and remember. How to think clearly. How to not compromise when it would be easy. How to be intentional and thoughtful about the man you choose. Even just for a first date.

So. I decided “intentional” was the name of the game. My profile…intentional. Reading matches’ profiles…intentional. If no mention was made of “faith” or “exercise” or “children” or a few other key factors in the man’s profile…nope. I decided that I wouldn’t go below a 96% mutual match or something crazy like that–I wanted to be so similar to the person that it was indisputable.  I learned quickly that most men in this area are mostly about hunting, fishing, snowmobiling or four-wheeling, and they’re looking for their “redneck girl.” Hmm.  I also learned that most men who list themselves as Christian…have no opinion when it comes to the religious preference of their “match.”  And that “Christian” applies to “Christian/Protestant” as well as “Christian/Catholic, Christian/LDS, and Christian/Other.” Additionally, eHarmony doesn’t cater much to the Corning/Elmira population. If I wanted to date men from Hackensack, NJ, Buffalo, NY, or Athens, GA…no problem. But, umm…not so much. One short relationship right out of the blocks seemed…just right (we were a 99% match, after all). Turned out…not right at all. Again…that’s ok. I communicated with a couple of men very briefly…but nothing promising at all.

And time went by. I decided to leave both sites alone for a while. Then a week before my 3-month subscription ran out…I went back through my initial matches from literally my first week on the website. One man who I listed as a “maybe”…and kept showing up in my searches…he jumped out at me. I have no idea why. So. I “winked.” And sent him a (very brief) email.

To which…he responded.

His name is Joey. And I had met him before.