Apparently, for the rest of my life, I’m going to wake up on this morning and remember. As I walk through the day, I will remember exactly what I went through that morning…every movement…every motion…every fear…every laugh.
The trip to Dunkin Donuts sans makeup. The coffee spilled on my perfect tea-dyed shoes. The comb sewed into my headpiece upside down. Then re-sewn upside down. My aunt taking pictures of me before I had my dress on…and after taking off my shirt. The teary kisses from my parents. The ring bearers stepping on my train on the way down the aisle. My dad crying through the vows.
Today would be 15 years.
Fifteen Years.
It’s not the marriage I grieve today. It’s the thought of it. The idea that fifteen years is such a long time. It should be a milestone. A celebration. A joy. And I realize that when the rest of it isn’t a joy…the benchmarks aren’t either. 10 wasn’t. Jeez, 5 wasn’t. 15 would have been just another year of…not joy.
But here it is.
And today I mourn the thought of what should have been. What I believed would be. What I desperately longed for.
What I still long for. And realize is much more than 15 years out of my reach.
All Is Grace 
#1 by Derek on June 18, 2012 - 6:35 pm
Okay, so I don’t know if this is more a journal or a blog or if it’s really open for comments. Our conversation Memorial Day weekend makes a lot more sense now, though.
A whole lot more. Looks like it’s going to be a busy summer up here, but, I have some vacation time and it’s not ALL being used for class and to go to a wedding… You still have an invitation to come up and hang with some friends up here.