All Is Grace

Thank God for that man right there.

In the past month, we lived with his parents for a week, said goodbye to his father, dearly loved his Mom, celebrated numerous Christmases, New Years, his father’s life, his namesake’s life; he started grad school, I applied and was accepted to grad school (again), we purchased a new washer and dryer (good grief), I made hundreds of cakes, we looked at hundreds of houses (one in person), and we began new fitness and nutrition programs. Given that I haven’t typed a single thing here in a year, and that was just a month, you can imagine what the past year has looked like.

We seem to continually live at a frantic pace. We always assume it’s all going to get easier when we get through the “next thing,” and…that’s just such a lie, isn’t it?

I know our life is not unique. This happens to all of us. We are all frantic. We all think it’s all going to get easier. It never will, will it? This is the stuff. This is life as we all know it, and will always know it. Frankly…I’m not even sure I want it to get easier any more. I don’t think I would know what to do with myself anyway. On the days when it’s quiet and slow, I seem to just…find something else to do. Create a project. Invent a recipe. Tear something apart. Build something. Maybe it’s ADHD. Maybe it’s some unrecognized disorder. Maybe I’ve just lost my mind.

Maybe school will help.

Maybe not.

Whatever.

Whatever we face, wherever we wind up, what I know beyond a shadow of a doubt is that we will face it bravely and together. We’ll lose our minds, but we’ll do it together. We’ll eat nachos 3 nights a week, but we’ll do it together. We’ll forget how to grocery shop in an actual store, but we’ll order instacart every other week together. To be honest, I don’t care about sanity or normal or schedules or what anybody else thinks. Sign me up for standing next to him and walking through every moment by his side forever. I can’t imagine living this crazy life any other way. I can’t believe I ever did before. I’m grateful that I never will again.

So grateful.