25 years ago, i graduated from high school. i’m reminded of this number repeatedly…by the fact that i know my class is having a reunion in July…by the fact that Joe graduated 5 years after me, and he celebrates his 20th in July as well…but most notably by the fact that my daughter, who was born when I was 25…starts her journey-after-graduation at 17 this summer.
to clarify, she’s mostly finished with high school. she has a couple of things to finish up in the fall, and will officially graduate in December, but the real leaving-the-nest-growing-up happens this summer.
actually, in about 4 days. when i put her on a plane to Grand Rapids. when she becomes an official intern for NTS Camp, traveling all over the Eastern half of the US for 10 weeks. when she becomes responsible for social media and activities and logistics at six camps full of hundreds of teenagers seeking Jesus and an exciting camp experience, and then works in an office for another month in August.
i have SAID all these years that my ultimate goal has been to raise adults. children who would BECOME adults, and who would fly the coop, and would do amazing things. i said it.
now we will find out if i MEANT it. at the moment, it’s all rather terrifying.
i know she’s brave and capable and intelligent and strong and caring, and perfect for the position they created for her. i know she will do so well. i have absolutely no doubt that this is exactly where she is meant to go and exactly what God wants her to do.
and, of course, i worry. i know her so well. i know how she reacts and how she thinks and how she beats herself up in her perfectionism. i know that she expects more of herself than she should and that she expects excellence from the people she is with. i know she avoids conflict and internalizes criticism and how she handles stress and lack of sleep. i know she thinks she’s going to be the youngest, and maybe the least qualified. i know that i will want to be the momma bear and pull her back to me when she struggles. i have been where she is, and i know she will struggle.
and i know when she struggles, this time…as i’ve been leaning toward all year…i will have to let her struggle. love her and pray with her and talk her through whatever i can give her from a thousand miles away sometimes…but let her struggle. i’m already battling that. i’ve had to make the decision that no matter what, i won’t let her come home. that i can’t bail her out, and i can’t solve her problems. i can’t believe how conscious this decision has had to be, and before she even leaves. we’ve only had a week and a half to prepare, and frankly…it’s probably a darn good (and expensive!) thing.
i now know how my Momma felt when she sent me to Houghton.
i am proud. and afraid. and my heartburn is flaring up. but i have 4 more days with her. and i’m going to cherish them.
All Is Grace 