today, my daughter called me from the International Wesleyan Youth Convention in Indianapolis in tears. i could literally hear the smile on her face as she sniffed and sobbed.
i was so confused.
i asked if she was ok. she said, “i’m really ok, Momma.” and she went on to explain that during a message about giving her life entirely to Jesus during the first general session today, in which she basically realized she needed to trust his plan for her life, she felt a calling into youth ministry.
youth ministry.
whoa.
as the child of a man whose life was youth ministry, i literally didn’t have words.
because so many thoughts went through my head.
this child who mostly doesn’t like people–and specifically teenagers. this child who is claustrophobic in a room full of strangers. this child who hasn’t been able to figure out who she is or where she belongs or what she should become over the past two years of so deeply considering it…THIS CHILD has been called by my Lord to serve him by serving teenagers. i was filled with my thoughts of who this child is. or who i think this child is.
my thoughts.
and i realized…these thoughts…they had to be hers.
not mine.
this whole parenting thing becomes so very, very different when they get to this place. this place of i’ve-parented-this-kid-to-the-point-that-she’s-not-mine-to-control-anymore-and-i-have-to-allow-these-choices-to-come-from-her-brain-and-her-heart. and then i have to trust that it’s not just her following her heart or her brain…but that she’s putting her trust in God.
and i have to trust that God will guide her.
because this is how i’ve raised her. this is what i’ve prayed for, even this week. and i have to let this happen. i’ve raised her to be an adult. to make good decisions. and now…i have to step back and trust her.
and i have to trust God.
and the thoughts–all the thoughts–and the tears…they aren’t what’s important. but she listened to God. and he spoke to her. and i’m now just the praying, hoping, loving-her-so-much mom.
and God gets to work.
because her life is not about me. it’s about Him.
and that’s what i’ve prayed for since i started writing her journal when i knew she was coming. and He has held her since that moment. and even before.
and now…i listen. and i pray. and i love.
and let her be what he has made her.
because it’s not my thoughts that matter. it’s His.
and he has called her.
to his purpose.
All Is Grace 