All Is Grace

a few years ago, i wrote a blog post about Bryson. he wasn’t reading. or writing. or interested in school.  he was, like, 8. i was so very discouraged about the whole blessed thing, and i was so sick of everyone and their concern about it that i decided to do what i kept reading to do: step back. look at what he could do. wait for him to be ready. stop pushing and worrying and encouraging and nagging and hoping and fussing. shut up and let him BE. it would happen.

oh my gosh, i laughed at myself at the mere thought of it at first. then i cried more. and i finally set my jaw, closed my eyes, and did it. i also wrote a blog post about what he COULD do. and he could do a heck of a lot.

and you know what happened?

he didn’t learn to read that day. or even that week. not even a month later. but slowly, little by little, he eased into it. he relaxed as i relaxed, and i kept including him in reading activities and read-alouds and writing assignments and letter activities and drawing and thinking and playing…and slowly, little by little, he began to want to do it on his own. all by himself. because i shut up and let him be.

tonight, i soaked in a tub ( i never. ever. take baths. ever.) of epsom salt-infused water…because this morning i started a new workout program, and this afternoon i ran 3.2 miles in 30 minutes, then walked another mile and a half for good measure, and i hurt. and i read that hypothyroid patients often have magnesium deficiencies and one of the best ways to change that problem is to soak in epsom salt water on hard workout days.

but that is so not the point here.

i soaked in that tub and was just furious about everything i’ve done over the past six months to help my thyroid function the way it should so i can stop seeing that hideous number on my scale whenever i’m brave enough to weigh myself. which isn’t very often. once a month has been pushing it. but this morning was the day. fifteen pounds heavier than i was on my wedding day as of this morning, friends. fifteen pounds in less than a year. to say i wanted to throw the scale at the wall and watch it shatter into a million zillion pieces (it’s even glass. how satisfying would that have been?) is an understatement.

and as i soaked, i remembered that blog post about my boy.

sigh.

so, i soaked and thought about all of the things my body can do.

-it can run 3.2 miles after doing a crazy Shaun T 25-minute workout in the same day.
-it can take whatever workout program i throw at it and still walk the next day.
-it can design and build cakes that are the centerpiece of about 10 girls’ weddings every year.
-it grew and birthed three humans.
-it can think and work and eat and plan and do all of that at the same time. not always with perfection as the result, but it can do those things.
-it can wrap itself around a hurting child.
-it can run and play and wrestle and tickle and poke and hug and laugh.
-it can sing and praise. and worship.
-it can make a meal for my family while baking and decorating a cake. on a weekly (sometimes daily) basis.
-it can carry ALL of the grocery bags in from the car at one time.
-it can juggle the kids’ morning chores with my own morning chores and a  great cup of cold brewed coffee.
-it can carry three folded loads of towels on top of three days worth of clean, folded laundry for five people from the basement to the second floor without pausing for breath.
-it can organize a menu, a shopping list, and make sure that it all comes together to feed five people for a month.
-it can schedule a soccer practice, an overnight, a separate play date, a cake, a meal for a family who just had a preemie baby, a trip to the store, and put a meal on the table all without running the car out of gas (and before crashing in bed after 5 hours of sleep the night before)
-it can eat only lean meats, fruits, vegetables and fantastic fats without heartburn or indigestion.

usually.

it really can do a lot.

which ticks me off too, frankly. if it can do all of these things, it should really be able to do this one. simple. thing. that my body is designed to do:  convert TSH into T3 and then metabolize food properly. and actually operate under the principle that a thousand calorie deficit every day should result in two pounds of weight loss every week.

but i digress.

it can do a lot. and eventually, when the medicine and the nutrition and the exercise meet somewhere in my body and realize that there isn’t a battle to be waged between immune system and hormones and digestion…it will function the way bodies are meant to function in this one area. and i will be grateful. as i am right now for the things it can do.